The Chase - The Musical!

ACT ONE

SCENE 1
[On Skaro. The Daleks are wandering about in front of their Time Machines. They centre on stage and begin to sing (imagine the Spice Girls with robot voices!)]

The Doctor Must Be Exterminated
(Based on Swanee River)

Daleks:

The Doctor must be exterminated!
He's interfered too much
If the Doctor's not exterminated
The Daleks will be stuffed

We stopped him way back home on Skaro
In our plans to kill the Thals
He stopped us with our invasion plans
Of the planet Earth

These are the Time Machines we'll use
To track the Doctor down

[A Dalek comes up to the main singer with some information]

We've just located the TARDIS
The Doctor's time machine
If he's travelling with any companions
They will be killed if seen

The Doctor must be exterminated
He interferes too much
If the Doctor's not exterminated
The Daleks will be stuffed!

[They all enter their time machines and disappear]

***

SCENE 2
[In the TARDIS. Barbara is in the console room looking melancholy. She sings]

Outside The TARDIS
(Based on Over The Rainbow from The Wizard of Oz)

Barbara:

Somewhere, outside the TARDIS
In England
There's a place I am missing
One that I call home

Somewhere outside the TARDIS
Back at school
Where I'll teach a lot of kids
What not to do

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the Time Lords are
Behind me

Where Daleks melt like lemon drops
And Cybermen are chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere outside the TARDIS
Bluebirds fly
Birds stay outside the TARDIS
Why then oh why can't I?

If happy little teachers stay
Beyond the TARDIS
Why oh why can't I?

[The Doctor comes in, sees Barbara sad and tries to cheer her up]

Put On A Happy Face
(same as the original)

Doctor:

[spoken] Barbara, dear, why are you looking so sad?

[Singing]

Grey skies are gonna clear up
Put on a happy face
Brush off the clouds and cheer up
Put on a happy face
Take off the gloomy mask of tragedy
It's not your style
You'll look so good that you'll be glad you
Decided to smile!

Pick out a pleasant outlook
Stick out that noble chin
Wipe off that full of doubt look!
Slap on a happy grin!
And spread sunshine all over the place
Just put on a happy face!

[Barbara and the Doctor begin dancing]

Put on a happy face!
Put on a happy face!

And if you're feeling cross or bickerish
Don't sit and whine
Think of Banana Splits and Lickerish
And you'll feel fine

I knew a girl so gloomy
She'd never laugh or sing
She wouldn't listen too me
Now she's a mean old thing
So spread sunshine all over the place
Just put on a happy face!

[Ian and Vicki come into the console room too, just as the ship lands]

Doctor:

[spoken] Oh! How wonderful! We've landed! This may be your time!

[the doors open]

Vicki:

[spoken] The Beach!

Doctor:

[spoken] how very true! Shall we go for a dip?

[They all run outside and dance]

All
[Singing] Grey skies are gonna clear up
Put on a happy face
Brush off the clouds and cheer up
Put on a happy face
Take off the gloomy mask of tragedy
It's not your style
You'll look so good that you'll be glad you
Decided to smile!

Pick out a pleasant outlook
Stick out that noble chin
Wipe off that full of doubt look!
Slap on a happy grin!
And spread sunshine all over the place
Just put on a happy face!

[The Dalek Time machine arrives and Daleks emerge. The TARDIS crew panic]

Doctor Dear!
(Based on Mamma Mia! by ABBA)

All:

I've been chased by them since I don't know when
So I've made up my mind it must come to an end
Look at me now, will I ever learn
I don't know how they could suddenly loose control
There's a fire within their souls

Just one look and we're exterminated
Just one look and we're exterminated

Doctor Dear, here they come again
Doctor, how can we resist them?
Doctor Dear, here they come again
Doctor, how can we resist them?

Yes we get really tired
When we are chased by Daleks
Doctor, why do they not let us go
Doctor dear, Now I really know
Doctor, why do they not let us go?

I've been angry inside of things that you do
I can't count all the times I've defeated you
And when we go, with you on the floor
I think you know, even before we set controls
You know where we go
Just one look and we're exterminated
Just one look and we're exterminated

Doctor Dear, here they come again
Doctor, how can we resist them?
Doctor Dear, here they come again
Doctor, how can we resist them?

Yes we get really tired
When we are chased by Daleks
Doctor, why do they not let us go
Doctor dear, here they come again
Doctor, how can we resist them?
Doctor Dear, here they come again
Doctor, how can we resist them?
Doctor Dear, here they come again
Doctor, how can we resist them?
Doctor Dear, here they come again
Doctor, how can we resist them?

Yes we get really tired
When we get chased by Daleks
Doctor, why do they not let us go?
Doctor dear, now I really know
Doctor, why they do not let us go

[They run into the TARDIS and take off. The Daleks leave in their machine]

***

SCENE 3
[On a dance floor in a hall. On solitary girl is standing, sighing as if she'd just met her one true love. She begins to sing, as the TARDIS lands]

I Could Have Danced All Night
(Based on I Could Have Danced All Night from My Fair Lady)

Lady:

Bed, bed, I couldn't go to bed
My head's too light to try to set it down
Sleep, sleep I couldn't sleep tonight
Not for all the jewels in the crown!

I could have danced all night!
I could have danced all night!
And still have left for more
I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things
I'd never done before

I'll never know what made it so exiting
Why all at once my heart took flight

I only know when he
Began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced, danced all night

[Vicki, Ian and Barbara exit the TARDIS and look on]

Companions:

Oh why is she here?
She shouldn't be here
Or else she might be dead!

[The lady sings her verse again, with the individual companions responding]

Lady:

I could have danced all night! (You're tired out, your eyes look red)
I could have danced all night! (Now leave this place, before you're dead)
And still have left for more (go say goodnight, please turn out the light, it's really time for you to be in bed!)
I could have spread my wings (Do run along, do as you're told)
And done a thousand things (Or else the Daleks will make you burn)
I'd never done before (You're up too late, please do escape before they do return!)

I'll never know what made it so exiting
Why all at once my heart took flight

I only know when he (Put down your book, before next week)
Began to dance with me (Now run off home and go to sleep!)
I could have danced, danced, danced all night

[The Doctor comes out, stops the woman singing]

Doctor:

I understand dear, It's all been grand dear,
But now it's time to leave

You could have danced all night
You could have danced all night
But leave this building please
The truth is you and I
Could quite easily die
If we don't quickly leave

You wouldn't like to be exterminated
By monsters like the Daleks

I hope you know to leave
So you can easily
Go and dance another night!

[The woman screams and runs from the hall. The time travellers leave]

***

SCENE 4
[Camelot. The TARDIS lands in front of King Arthur. The Doctor and his companions leave the TARDIS]

(Based on the first bit of Potiphar from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat)

Doctor:

I think that we are back on Earth again
This time we're in the land of Camelot!

Camelot
(Same as the original)

Arthur:

[spoken] It's true!
It's true
The crown has made it clear
The climate must be perfect all the year

[singing] A law was made a distant moon ago here
July and August cannot be too hot
And there's a legal limit to the snow here
In Camelot!

The winter is forbidden 'till December
And exits March the second on the dot!
By order summer lingers through September
In Camelot

Camelot, Camelot
I know it sounds a bit bizarre
But in Camelot, Camelot
That's how conditions are

The rain may never fall 'till after sundown
By eight the morning fog must disappear
In short, there's simply not a more congenial spot
For happy ever after-ing
Than here in Camelot!

[They all dance. Vicky wanders off for flowers]

Camelot, Camelot!
I know it gives a person cause
But in Camelot, Camelot
Those are the written laws!

The snow may never slush upon the hillside
By nine pm the moonlight must appear
In short there's simply not a more congenial spot
For happy ever after-ing
Than here in Camelot!

[They all leave in the TARDIS, Arthur disappears. However, Vicki comes from the shadows as she has been left behind. She drops her flowers in the wake of the TARDIS and sings]

Poor, Poor Vicki
(Based on Pharaoh Story from Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat)

Vicki:

Some folks dream of the wonders they'll do
Before their time on their planet is through
I've had many adventures, yes sir
All in the past, present and the future

Now it seems my adventures have stopped
And I'm stuck here in Camelot
I wish I was back on the TARDIS again
Travelling with the Doctor, Barbara and Ian

It seems such a shame that I'll never see the TARDIS again
But if I think it, want dream it that it's real
I'll get what I feel.

Chorus:

Poor, poor Vicki, poor, poor Vicki!
Poor, poor Vicki, poor, poor Vicki!

Vicki:

Up on the TARDIS, I'm very sure how
The Doctor is probably worried sick by now
Ian and Barbara will probably go nuts,
While I'm still here in Camelot

But If I my analysis of my position is right
At the end of this story I should turn out alright
And I'll be back on the TARDIS again
Continuing my travels through Time and Space

Strange as it seems, I have just one crazy dream
To be back aboard the TARDIS oh so far
Probably near a star

I just had a thought on how to get back aboard.
I simply stow away on the Dalek's ship
I'm not finished yet!

Strange as it seems, I have just one crazy dream
To be back aboard the TARDIS oh so far
Probably near a star
Probably near a star!

[Curtains fall]

END OF ACT ONE

On to Act Two